As parents, we constantly tell ourselves stories—about our children, our partners, ourselves, and the day-to-day chaos of family life. These stories shape how we feel, how we respond, and even the kind of parent we are in any given moment. When I say “stories,” I don’t mean they’re false. They’re simply the way we interpret events, filter experiences, and give meaning to what’s happening around us. Each story is a perspective, not the entire truth.
For example, you might think, “My child is always misbehaving; I must be doing something wrong,” while another parent might see the same situation as, “My child is tired or overstimulated and needs help navigating big emotions.” Or you might feel, “My partner never helps with bedtime,” while another perspective is, “They’ve had a long day and are doing what they can, and I can offer support instead of judgment.” Even how we see ourselves can shift: one moment we feel like we’re failing at keeping routines, and another we notice all the ways we’ve guided, taught, and cared for our children despite distractions and interruptions.
The important thing is becoming aware of these stories. Notice the ones that lift you, and the ones that weigh you down. We all get caught in negative stories—replaying moments when a child screamed, a spouse forgot to unload the dishwasher, or we didn’t follow through on our exercise or self-care plans. Awareness is the first step toward understanding how these stories affect our happiness, patience, and relationships.
Once you notice a story, you can practice differentiating your story from the facts. The facts are what a video camera would record. This doesn’t mean that your story is false, only that it’s not as solid as it feels. It’s a narrative playing out in your mind, with real emotional effects, but it isn’t the same as the moment happening right now. You can notice the story, feel your emotions, and observe physical sensations in your body—tight shoulders, a racing heart, or a sinking feeling—without immediately reacting.
Resist acting on the story impulsively. Don’t lash out at your child, withdraw from your partner, or beat yourself up for your mistakes. Just notice that you’re caught up in the story, and gently return your attention to the present moment—the sound of your child laughing, the feel of their hand in yours, the simple reality around you.
Over time, this practice helps you respond with more calm, patience, and presence, even in the chaos of parenting young children. You’ll start to see your child’s behavior, your partner’s intentions, and your own efforts more clearly, without being swept away by negative narratives. The goal isn’t to stop stories from arising—they always will—but to notice them, loosen their grip, and come back to the here and now.
Parenting is complex, messy, and unpredictable. The stories we tell ourselves can either add to the stress or help us navigate it with awareness and compassion. By noticing your stories, treating them like dreams, and returning to the present, you create space for patience, joy, and connection in everyday parenting moments.
