Asking “How was your day?” or "What did you do at school today?" might seem like a natural conversation starter, but for many kids, it’s too vague. When children are trying to recall hours’ worth of activity—lessons, social interactions, lunch, playground drama—it can be overwhelming to know where to begin.
Ask Specific, Open-Ended Questions
Instead, try prompting with more targeted, open-ended questions that help guide their memory and make it easier to respond. For example:
“What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”
“Who did you hang out with at recess/lunch?”
“Did anything unexpected happen today?”
“What was the hardest part of your day?”
"What was your favorite part of school this week?"
"What was something that you found funny this week?"
"What are the names of two new friends you met this week?"
"How do you and your classmates practice kindness at school?"
These types of questions allow kids to focus on specific moments and make it easier for them to organize their thoughts—and their stories.
Don’t Launch Into 20 Questions Right Away
Many kids need time to transition from “school mode” to “home mode.” School requires a lot of emotional regulation and independence, so when they get home, they may just want to zone out, grab a snack, or relax before recounting their day.
Give them space to decompress first. Then, start small. Share a little about your own day, and model casual conversation: “I had a long meeting today that went well, but left me kind of tired. How about you—was there a part of your day that felt long?”
If they’re not ready to talk, let them know that’s okay—and that you’re ready to listen when they are.
Find Natural, Low-Pressure Moments to Connect
Some of the best conversations happen when there’s no pressure to make eye contact or be "on the spot." Car rides, dog walks, bedtime routines, or doing chores together offer built-in moments for relaxed conversation.
Being side-by-side instead of face-to-face helps many kids—especially tweens—feel less self-conscious. Additionally, these settings eliminate distractions and naturally foster greater openness.
If conversation isn’t flowing, consider starting with something light like a favorite song or show:
“I heard this song today and thought of you—what have you been listening to lately?”
“Any new shows your friends are watching?”
Once the connection is made, they may feel more willing to share other parts of their day.
Use Activities to Encourage Sharing
Engaging in a shared activity—such as playing a game, cooking, shooting hoops, or even walking the dog—can help conversations unfold more naturally. Movement and creativity reduce pressure, making it easier for kids to reflect and speak freely.
As you're building a puzzle or tossing a ball, gently ask questions or share thoughts:
“I always get a little nervous before meetings. Do you ever feel that way at circle time or class meetings?”
“I remember learning Spanish in school—how’s it going for you?”
Your relaxed, non-judgmental tone sets the stage for honest conversation.
Keep It Simple—And Age-Appropriate
Not all kids can easily recall or describe how they felt or what they did in the moment. Younger children are still developing their memory and emotional vocabulary, and even older kids may struggle to express complex experiences.
Help by breaking things down:
“Did anything today make you feel proud or frustrated?”
“What was something small that made you smile?”
Over time, you can help expand their emotional language by naming and validating feelings: “Sounds like you felt left out—was that hard for you?” or “That must’ve been exciting!”
Resist the Urge to Fix Everything
When kids open up about a hard moment, it’s tempting to jump into “fix-it” mode. But unless they ask for advice, most of the time they just want to feel heard.
Instead of offering solutions right away, try questions like:
“That sounds tough—what do you think you want to do about it?”
“Do you want help thinking through this, or do you just want to vent for now?”
Letting kids take the lead helps build resilience and problem-solving skills—and they’ll be more likely to come back to you with future issues.
Respect Their Boundaries
Even the most open kids sometimes don’t want to talk—and that’s okay. Giving them permission to set conversational boundaries builds trust and shows that you respect their autonomy.
If they say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” you can respond with:
“That’s totally fine. If you change your mind later, I’m here.”
“Do you want to talk about something else instead?”
Just like adults, kids appreciate space—and when they feel emotionally safe, they’re more likely to come back to the conversation in their own time.
Getting your child to open up about their day isn’t about asking the perfect question—it’s about creating a safe, calm, and curious environment. When kids feel seen, not scrutinized, they’ll slowly start to share more. And when they know you’re not just listening for the good stuff, but for all the real stuff, that’s when the real connection begins.
